I have prayed most of my life that God would work His perfect will in my life. I have offered myself as a living sacrifice, and when I recognize that I have crawled off the altar, I am usually quick to repent and climb back up there. I have not even come close to doing all this perfectly, but I have been traveling in the right direction for quite a long time now.
So, a couple years ago I was praying, once again, that God would help me step into that “thing,” that lifestyle, that modus operandi, that which is his “perfect will” for my life. Suddenly I heard His voice in my heart asking me this question:
“Jim, you have been praying for years that I would work my will in your life, right?”
“Yes, Lord.”
“And you believe that I answer prayers that are prayed according to my will, right?”
“Yes, Lord.”
“Then why do you keep asking as if I haven’t answered those prayers?”
Wow.
I realized right then that perhaps I already was living in the center of God’s will. I was not what I was a year earlier, by God’s grace, and I am not yet what I will be a year from now, and that is also by God’s grace. Therefore, I am where I am by God’s grace.
So the question then becomes, why have I kept praying for years on end that God would place me into the center of his perfect will?
Perhaps it was because I never believed that I was actually living in his will all along. And why would I believe such a thing? Because whenever I took a snapshot of my life at any given moment, it didn’t look like my previously planned idea of what I wanted my life to look like.
God’s ways are much higher than our ways. His thoughts are far loftier than our thoughts. His foresight is infinitely more accurate than our own. And his love for us is far deeper than we can fathom. He will do the right thing with those who are fully surrendered to him. There is no doubt about that.
But how much did I really believe this? Not enough, apparently.
The beauty of this whole thing is that even when we do not follow his guidance, and we are not living perfectly in the “center of his will” (whatever that actually means), he still redeems time, he brings beauty from ashes, he loves unconditionally, and he guides us accurately and lovingly if we allow it.
So, I’ve stopped praying that God will put me in the center of his will, or that God will use me for his eternal kingdom purposes. I believe that he wants our hearts far more than he wants our service. If we focus solely on becoming a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1-2) and begin seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33) then I believe that we cannot possibly avoid stepping into his perfect will.
When we become usable, then he will use us.